I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
