woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We talked him into tasing himself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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