She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize