margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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