I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
