I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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