And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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