she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
