I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
