I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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