i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
