I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
