I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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