my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
