The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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