Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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