I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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