never play flip cup with pint glasses
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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