My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
