Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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