Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
