this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
