ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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