By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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