It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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