smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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