drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
