Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
