i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
