It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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