I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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