Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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