Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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