I hate all girls vehemently.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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