I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you would pick up someone in the library
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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