she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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