Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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