Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
