When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize