I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
