Sponge bath it is.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
