Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
