dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
