I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
