plz talk dirty to me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
