Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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