I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Vodka?
Forever.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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