Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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