I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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