he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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