I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
