the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
