We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you would pick up someone in the library
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize