Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize