She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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