I smell stomach acid.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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