Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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