I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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