Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We are two peas in an std pod
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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