Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
