You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You were trust falling into bushes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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