She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
