So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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