Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
