tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
