She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
