Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
