O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
