I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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