So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
