Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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