The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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