I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
