I can text with my tongue
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
