umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
