isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
