Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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