I cockslap morals
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize