Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
True strength comes from lack of pants
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
