i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
