dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Someone came in the potted fern
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
