OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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