i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
