I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
