her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
