I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
