If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
